「歸去來兮, 田園將蕪胡不歸！」“Return, the fields were neglected, why not return!”
這是我們幼時常聽到母親背誦的詩句, 追思父母, 懷念故土, 也是她晚年常記掛在心中的事。如今, 她終於能夠脫離肉體上的束縛, 可以自由自在地回到故鄉, 重投父母的懷抱, 得到永恆的快樂。This was the verse that our mom liked to recite when we grew up. In her latter years she was preoccupied by the thought of returning home to see her parents for one last time. Now, she has finally been set free to go home to be reunited with them and find eternal happiness.
我們的母親有一個不尋常的名字、叫「慕賢」, 意思是仰慕聖賢, 不是常見的女性名字。外公不希望家中有第四個女孩, 幸而她的祖母勸阻才保住一條小生命, 就給她起個小名叫「三多」。她受到委屈, 卻以帶來三個弟弟自豪, 只是弟弟們有甚麼差錯, 她便首當其衝被責罵。Our mom had an unusual name, Mo-yin. It means ‘admiration of the worthies’, which is not a typical name for girls. Our grandfather did not want a fourth girl in the family but was convinced by his mother-in-law to keep her. He gave her a boy’s name and a nickname ‘Three’s too much’。She’s did not like it but took consolation to have three brothers that followed. However, whenever something went wrong with those brothers, she would be the first one to be blamed.
她並沒有因此自怨自憐, 借著讀書識字開解自己, 因為有了智識便可以爭取平等, 可以抬起頭來做人。她也學會一些英語, 偶然說幾句來啟發我們。移民美國後最驕傲的時刻, 就是用英語投考入籍試及格。Instead of burying herself in self pity, she stood up for equality by excelling at school. She was not challenged for success and often expressed hope to attend English classes. Sometimes she would speak the few English sentences she learned as a child to motivate us. Her proudest moment in America was passing the citizenship exam in English. Her biggest regret was she lost the chance to finish school when the Japanese occupied Hong Kong.
她常說所學英語不夠用, 渴望有機會多讀點書, 還埋怨當年日軍侵華, 令她不能完成學業。她常講日軍佔領香港後的悲慘故事, 對中國人受到欺凌抱不平。她對學習日本語卻和學習英語抱同樣熱情, 興之所至也會說一兩句, 她最喜歡說的一句是 ‘学校へ行きます( 我上學去）。Her biggest regret was she lost the chance to finish school when Japan occupied Hong Kong. She often told us the horror stories during the Japanese occupation. She held a grudge against the Japanese not out of hatred, but out of the atrocity thry inflicted on the Chinese people. She had the same enthusiasm for learning Japanese as for English. She would sometimes show off her Japanese and her favorite line was ‘I go to school’.
她很重視孩子們的教養, 從接物待人供書教學, 都不遺餘力地輔導我們。雖然父親希望我們中學畢業後便幫助家計, 她卻極主張我們赴美深造, 讓我們得到更好的學習與發展機會。She cared about our education, ranging from how to treat others with compassion to excelling in school. It was my dad’s wish that we should get a job as soon as we finished high school to help the family. Instead she convinced him to send us to America to pursue higher education and to have greater opportunities in life.
她教導我們敬孝先人, 每日早晚上香。教導我們感恩, 初一十五又歲晚會拜神。 教導我們善良會感動神心, 常說她遇到甚麼危難都不驚怕, 因為觀音菩薩會保祐善良的人。She taught us to respect the ancestors by offering daily worship. She taught us to be thankful by performing worship rituals on the first and fifteenth day of the month as well as during the end of the year. She also taught us goodness would lead to blessing. She believed that the Goddess of Mercy would protect her during difficult times because she cultivated goodness in her heart.
她和觀音菩薩有一段緣, 四十多歲時她的頸上漲出一氣泡, 當初只是外表不正常, 後來卻痛起來, 群醫束手。痛得要命時, 她向觀音菩薩許願, 若能治癒此症, 從此戒吃牛肉 。不久, 頸上的的氣泡消了, 痛苦也退了, 她就不再吃牛肉。She had a destiny with the Goddess of Mercy. In her mid-forties, she had a lump of air grew in her neck. It affected her appearance at first but became increasingly painful as the days went by. When she could not find a cure she prayed and made a wish to the Goddess of Mercy and vowed to avoid eating beef if she was cured. Soon after, her wish came true and she kept her promise by eliminating beef from her diet.
她和耶穌也有一段緣, 當她在養老院悶悶不樂時, 長子永權每次探望她會為她祈禱, 令她安心。當她哭著要回家探望父母時 , 幼女焯雲新相識的教友們又來慰問她, 給她精神上的支持。她受洗一個月後, 便與世長辭, 解脫了一切人間的痛苦。She also had a destiny with Jesus also. She was unhappy at the nursing home. Anthony, her oldest son, would come to pray for her at each visit. Late in her years, she would cry, missing her parents and yearning to return home. Amy, her youngest daughter brought her new brothers and sisters from church to comfort her. She was baptized and a month later she left us and all her sufferings behind.
她以生命教導我們, 不管接受中國傳統文化 , 不管接受印度文化, 不管接受西洋文化, 宗旨離不了「善良」。她以生命教導我們, 假如你是個儒家弟子, 只要你愛她, 她就是個儒家弟子；假如你是個佛教善信, 只要你愛她, 她就是個佛教善信；假如你是個基督徒, 只要你愛她, 她就是個基督徒。愛, 是生存唯一有價值的東西。She taught us with her life that whether it be Chinese tradition, Indian culture, or western religion, it all made sense in the principle of ‘goodness’. She taught us with her life that if you loved her as a Confucian, she would be a Confucian; if you loved her as a Buddhist, she would be a Buddhist; if you loved her as a Christian, she would be a Christian; for love is the only cause that is worth living.
她對盲婚啞嫁有許多怨言 , 家庭與兒女教她愛護自己的丈夫。過時過節我們才殺雞拜神, 父親整天忙著工作, 很少和我們一同吃晚餐, 她總告訴我們說:「把雞腿留給爸爸。」她夢想有一點錢, 到新界去過點農家生活, 但當她有錢時, 她都交給爸爸做他的校車生意。She complained about prearranged marriages but learned to love her husband through the strength of a tight knit family. Due to long hours of work, our dad often missed festival dinners. She would have us leave the best part of the chicken, the drum stick, for him. She dreamt of buying a small farm house to raise chickens and grow vegetables, but whenever she had money she would give it to him to run his school bus business.
次子煒明曾在 她謝世前九日和她進午餐, 她對孩子帶給她的簡單食物總是讚不絕口, 心意比物質更重要。煒明問她要不要到外面曬太陽, 向來她都會推說風大陽光猛烈而拒絕, 這回她很樂意答應。煒明把輪椅推到紫色的花間, 問她花是甚麼顏色, 她細看良久, 答說是白色, 轉頭看黃色的花又答說是白色; 推到另一端的紅花前, 她不假思索答說是紅色。她的世界已全然白色, 但她還能辨認生命的色彩。Bernard, her younger son, made lunch for her nine days before she passed.She always appreciated the effort no matter hoe the food tasted. It was a matter of the heart. That day, Bernard asked if she wanted to take a stroll outside.She would usually deny, citing the wind is too strong and the sun too bright. But this time, she gladly accepted. Bernard pushed her wheelchair in front of some purple and yellow flowers and asked what color she saw. She took a long look and said,” White.” When she was pushed to the other side to the red flowers, she took no time and said,”Red.” Her world had turned white but she could still recognize the color of life.
她臨終前夕晚飯後, 堅持坐在父親身旁, 凝視他良久, 直至就寢。那一頓晚餐她吃得不多, 護士替她擔心, 給 Anthony 掛了一個電話。她和最疼愛的兒子說了幾句話, 說自己沒甚麼, 不要擔心。那就是她的遺言, 也是她最安慰的時刻。On the eve before she passed away, she insisted she stay close to our dad. She stared at him for a long time until they went to bed. The nurse noticed that she had not eat much and made a call to Anthony so he could talk to her she told him everything was all right and not to worry. Those would be her last words. It would be the most gratifying moment for her to have have the chance to speak to her beloved son.
她的座右銘是「己所不欲, 勿施於人」。她平生可用兩句話表白出來:「若要人似我除非人亦我, 只許我為人毋庸我負人。」她悄悄地離開我們, 不給我們留下痛苦的印象；她靜靜地躺在床上, 讓我們分享安息時刻。 Her motto in life was “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” And these two lines could sum up her life: “To look for someone like me is to only find me; Let me give of myself rather than a burden on another.” Quietly she left us, not leaving behind a trace of pain. Silently she laid in her bed , sharing with us a moment of peace.
( 11/11/2008 仙遊 11/21/2008 喪禮)